Today I wanted to have an open and honest transparent moment with you. I wanted to share my struggles with being a fashion blogger. There is nothing that I love more than fashion so it was natural for me to have a desire to share my first love with the world. Hence, StyleIsShe was born!!!! I love my blog, it's my baby. It is so amazing to be able to document my fashion journey and share it. But it is even more amazing to be able to go back and see how I've changed and how my fashion has evolved through the years. Since starting my blog I have found that it is hard to NOT feel the need to always be "on". By "on" I mean dressed to the gawds with a beat face and heels higher than Bobby Brown in the 90's. Despite my best efforts, I am just not that girl 365 days of the year. I am just not her. I can give about 280 days but those other days I want nothing more than to look a mess and feel comfortable. LOL I hate the time it takes me to find something to wear and the mess I make in my closet looking for the "perfect look". Sometimes I stand in my closet afterwards and ask myself "who is gonna clean this shit up?" I am analytical and overly critical of what I wear, so I usually try on several things before I decide on something. Most often it leads to frustration but the end result is well worth it. Truth is, it takes forever to put on make up. Who wants to spend 45 minutes in the mirror with their mouth wide open? Let's face it, I know I am not the only one who can't put on mascara or eye liner with a closed mouth. LOL Don't get me wrong I love it when I have an ole nasty Ike Turner beat on my face, but putting it on and taking it off is a chore. Not to mention buying it is another bill. But hey it's all in the name of fashion and beauty right??? Truth be told when I'm out thrifting and grocery shopping, I'm usually dressed allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way down and by all the way down I mean straight bum mode. Much like the Ghetto Boys I keep looking over my shoulders and peeping around corners praying to the fashion Gawds, I don't run into anyone I know, especially my readers/fans. I recognize that I am no celebrity and honestly I don't see how they do it. If they have an off day, it is plastered all over the magazines, blogs and the King James version of the Bible. Truth is, we as a society ridicule and demean celebs for being normal human beings are having an off day. I too am guilty of banging my gavel and judging when I think they are not looking up to par. So me knowing how quick I am to read the girls for filth and turn the page, I know the library can be opened up on me as well. Don't get me wrong, I am comfortable with who I am, however, the public eye never blinks and people are waiting for you to take a fall from grace. They are looking for a reason to talk, they are waiting for you to have a gag worthy moment (in a bad way) for them to gossip about. For those reasons it is hard to not want to keep up the persona of who they see in the pictures posted on the internet. Heavy sigh.....
March of last year I fell ill and I've been battling with my health every since. To this very day doctors still haven't found 100% what the cause is. So many days I have no energy and no desire to be Style Is She. Hell I barely have the effort to be NeShanta, Tony's wife and Malique's mom. The struggle with my health and slight weight gain and loss of interest in getting dressed most days leaves me with a mound of building anxiety about leaving the house and running into people I know or people I don't know that know me. It is a struggle that sometimes results in me staying home. In the grand scheme of things I really just want to feel better. I want my energy back, I want to be able to work out consistently again. I want to be able to get excited about going out again. Right now it feels like a chore and nobody likes chores. Truthfully, there are days I dread because I just don't feel like going through the hoopla of getting dressed. I have missed so many events and life changing moments just because I didn't have a desire to be "on" I didn't feel like being "StyleIsShe" Like it or not I am her and she is me but it has become more of a struggle to keep her together lately. When your 14 year old tells you that you look a mess. You have to reevaluate some things. I mean that is once the desire to slap his face off leaves. LOL
However, I love fashion, blogging, my clients and my readers, so I push through. I push through because I don't want to disappoint, and I have goals set for myself and allowing myself to fall victim to whatever this illness is won't help me reach my goals. Thank you to all of my friends and family. Thank you to my loyal readers. It felt good to have this release.
Sigh, I've got the fashion blogger blues!!!!